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The Jule Cat

Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods deep within Trollheim of the NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Jonathan Hulton... That's me! Today's tale, a ghost ship has docked in Tuckerton with only the Jul Cat left on board. Not only did she eat all of the mice on board, but she ate the whole crew too. Including the Captain! (OK this will be the last time for my introduction, Bjorn insisted I do it once more...)

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Angrboda was chasing a cat around the house, knocking a vase or two over while working up a real sweat; when her mother called.

"Angrboda," Helgi interjected, "Did you hear Olie Bjornsen,the dwarf, just keeled over?"

It was then the cat came to a dead stop stunning Angrboda.

Now this shocked both of them.

"I need to get back to the howe before his wife starts up with another..." the cat said.

"But I be done seen 'bout ev'rything When I heard a cat talk!" Helgi gasped.

The cat stood up and turned into a dwarf. "Olie sure did have a sexy wife; you know he shot me in the ass with buckshot once leaving his back door! I need to get back to Dvergrheim before she starts up with another fellow…"

"What…" Angrboda just sat there flummoxed with her broom rolling in front of her.

"So long and thanks for all the mice ! " the x-king of the dwarves said with a single wave.

One down, several to go.

Bjorn waved back to him, a bit stupefied. "That was Odr; he has been missing since Olie took his throne and girl from him," Bjorn said. "I think he owes Gramps five pounds of Sweet Annie that he lost in a game of Nine Men Morris?"

"Dad, you know the strangest of people!" exclaimed Angrboda.

"Hmmmm…—well, do you want to go on a big cat hunt?"

"Mountain lion—we haven't seen one of them in the Pines for over a hundred years or so…"

"No, the Jul Cat."

Angrboda stepped back. "Shit, where the hell is my Jul dress from last January!" The only protection from the Jul Cat are new clothes received on Jul.

Don't ask…

Bjorn continued, "The ship Thorsrod crossed over from Iceland this week and set up port in Tuckerton. The mate was right to jump overboard. It was better to die like a man. To die like a sailor in blue water, no man can object—she ate the whole crew, except the captain. She ate the captain before they docked.

"Since then, they say she jumped a cargo car and ate a few tramps. The engineer saw her jump off at Eagle's Nest Pond before Swinging Hill Road heading southwest."

"So she is heading here—I hope I didn't gain any weight since January," Angrboda said rushing to her room.

"Bjorn," yelled Gramps from outside, "We need to get going ! "

Bjorn left, joining Pop-Pops and Gramps. Karl ran inside his storm shelter instead…

Off they went.

 

 

 

 

They searched for hours. On the way they saw whiskers of mice, a claw of a bluebird, a pelt of a squirrel, a paw of a pine marten, a spike from a pickerel, feathers of an owl, a canine of a wolf, a honey stained beard of a bear, and his cousin, Pop's shoe.

"Good riddance," Pop-Pops said while picking up his shoe. "Now I can guide his soul to the devil…"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As we came upon 21 Lakes, Bjorn worried that the Jul Cat might have grown big enough to eat the Great Horned Serpent who lived in the water…He recalled the story when Thor tried lifting a cat, which was the Midgard Serpent in disguise. 

"What time is it?" Bjorn asked. "Helgi wanted me to milk her cows."

Gramps hit him twice with his stick, twice... "It just struck two ! Their teats are dry tonight with this Troll cat in the woods. Don't be so foolish…"

When they got to the crossroad at Fatback's, she sprang into the road. 

She snarled and growled. She swiped the air with her claw and showed her teeth. Her spine curled, and the hair stood on her back. She went to-swat the ball of twine Pop-Pops rolled out.

 

Then Gramps struck her arse with his stick. Then the Thorsrod crew popped out followed by their captain, the shoes of freeloaders, the rest of the whiskers of the mice, the other claw of a bluebird, the bones and muscles of a squirrel, the other paw of a pine marten, the rest of the spikes from a pickerel, the flapping wings of an owl, the snapping teeth of a wolf, the tongue licking the rest of a honey stained beard of a bear, and more...

Pop's walking out with his other shoe in hand, began beating Pop-Pops with it. "Try to take my soul at the crossroads!"

 

Where there once stood the Jul Cat, was now a beautiful princess.

Pops just walked off with the gal on his arm and gave Pop-Pops some raspberries…