Jul
Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods deep within Trollheim of the NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Jonathan Hulton... That's me! In today’s tale, I'm visited by the thirteen Jul Lads.
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Once upon a witching clear—sometimes I wish I weren't so literal. I mean, if it was midnight, I would still be awake, but slamming doors at 3am…I only had my eyes closed for 15 minutes before every door in the house began slamming. Mischief, if there ever will be any, never happens at midnight, for the witching hour is 3, the coldest part of every day.
Slam! Slam! Slam, slam!!
What was go…
Was goin…
Slam! Slam! Slam, slam, slam, slam!!!!
going…
Slam! Slam! Slam, slam, slam, slam, slam!!!!!
Going on?
Peering through the crack in my bedroom door was one impish grin before..
Slam! Slam! Slam, slam, slam!!!
"Stop it!!!" I yelled, sitting straight up.
Slam! Slam! Slam, slam, slam!!!
I lit my candle. I grabbed an iron nail from the top of my nightstand to rush the door and throw it in this unwelcome guest's foot.
He grabbed his foot with both hands and let out a yelp as I threw a penny over his head.
This Troll was weakened by the iron and entrapped to my will by tossing the penny. He quickly acquiesced and sat on the floor.
I was set back by his puppy-dog eyes looking up at me. "All right, who are you and why are you bugging me?"
"You know well enough I cannot offer my name—bad enough you threw the penny over my head," he said, tossing the nail. "The penny only offers you an hour."
I shrugged; "Door slamming?"
"Close."
"Close, what?"
"Door Slamming."
"Door slamming?"
"Yes."
"Why are you slamming my doors!"
It was then I heard an echoing burp coming from a large, embarrassed cat. He quickly turned and finished working on the largest hairball I have ever seen. Plus an anchor, a boot, and a partridge in a pear tree.
He just slunk back downstairs, scraping the ceiling with his back. He barely fit going down.
"Door slamming?"
"Yes."
"What? I thought you called me."
"Called you what?"
"Never mind."
"Why are you slamming my doors!" I yelled.
"Its.. its—"
"Your idiom?"
"That's it—yes…"
"Why?"
"It's my job."
"What is?"
"Between my brothers, it is my job to slam every Jul."
"Why?"
"Because they took all of the cool jobs like, stealing sausages,
licking pots,
stealing mutton,
sniffing your door,
eating your skyr,
taking your pies,
snatching your cookie spoons,
snuffing your candles,
peeping in ladies' windows,
Meat Hook,
and bowl licker."
"OK, and the cat?" I asked. "Does he turn into a bear?"
"No, he is just a cat."
"That big?"
"Well, he has eaten plenty of rag tagged children over the years—by the way, did you get at least a new pair of socks?"
I noticed the cat's head appeared like the Cheshire Cat. It was the only part that fit back up the stairs.
"Yes…"
The cat grumbled and backed into the darkness.
"Why do you guys do these things?"
"Well, Our mom found our older brothers boring, so she ate them."
"Ate them…"
"Yes, and their father."
"And father?"
"Yes," he said, standing up. "She kicked our father out of the house years ago because of our younger brother."
"Why?"
"Well, he might be my brother—but that is not to say he is her son."
"Oh."
"Yes, you could say we had a troubled upbringing."
"You could say that."
"You wouldn't have a bowl of ice cream?" a voice said from under my bed.
"A friend of yours?"
"My brother."
"A bowl of soup?"
"No."
"Bowl of milk for the cat?"
"No."
"Porridge?"
"No."
"Cereal?"
"No."
He shook his head and left through the window, disgusted. I turned back to find the Door Slammer gone.
I went to bed and rolled over to snuff the candle, and heard a puff of air. I heard a giggle descending through the window, following his brother.
I went to bed confident I needed to got to Christafsen's general store to replace some groceries and kitchenware.
If you like this tale, hit the share button below or just even tell your friend the old fashion way, with your mouth. Come back next week for our next tale.
We are releasing two new Trollheim collections soon. The first is Trolling About Trollheim filled with the great tales from our Piney Trolls. The next to be followed during Yule at the end of January we will be releasing Gramps' recolections on ancient civilitaions and the dragons that filled their world called...Dragons in Trollheim. They will be available on this website at www.salemhousepress.com, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and your favorite bookseller. Just ask for them by name.. Pick up your copy today, pretty please with sugar on top...
For now you can buy their first collection:
Fiction/ Illustrated Fantasy/ Mythology / Scandinavian Myth/ Norse Sagas / Scandinavian Folk Lore / Coffee Table Book
Paperback: $45 | Hardcover: $65 | PDF eBook $5
Buy now link...
Following the Harry N. Abrams, Inc. tradition of the series that created Brian Froud's and Alan Lee's Faeries and Gnomes by Wil Huygen and Rien Poortvliet, we present you with what would have been the next book in the series: Trolls: A Compendium. Trolls—do you think you know what they are? Could you be wrong?
Trolls within Scandinavian lore, myth, saga, fantasy, and folktales are actually anything magical within our northern neighbor's culture. Richly illustrated in this volume are the tales of faeries, dwarves, nissen, huldras, gods, Jotuns, draugar, ghosts, and more. Also, this book introduces our readers to the world of Trollheim, populated by Nattrolls that escaped the 17th-century Swedish colony within the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Narrated by Christopher Jonathan Hulton, who lives in the Thousand Acre Woods just after the Civil War, their tales are filled with Native American lore and tales of their neighbor, the Jersey Devil.
Preview: Google Books
Hardcover: $65.00
PDF (non-flowable, best on tablet, desktop, or laptop) eBook: Download a copy onto your device today! Only $5.00
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