Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods deep within Trollheim of the NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Jonathan Hulton. That's me. In our tale, Karl tries to force Helgi to sell him a rare cow. Will it go well for him?

One day I was sitting in Helgi's kitchen when Karl came in. At the time, Angrboða was standing quietly in the other room. That is never good.

"Sell me that red and brown cow." Karl blurted.

"Which one?" Helgi answered without paying him much mind.

"The one, all of the Giberson's talk about, that sired the best ring fighters!"

At Old Halfway and Ong's Hat, deep within the Pines, the Nattrolls hold bullfights. The Trolls shrink down to the bull's scale and lock horns till one ends up on their back. Helgi's cow, is the only one that once and only once, knocked over Bjorn, and many say he threw that match to win enough gold for one of his father's and Karl's benders. That is why the Gibersons keep buying Helgi's cows.

The duo had brought one of Helgi's herd downtown to see if they could out-drink him. They got deep in their cups, a few hours after the bull passed out.

Then some local Irish reenacted their version of the Táin Bó Cúailnge. Afterward, they woke up. Then they went to find her bull. 'There is no fury like a woman scorned'; now times this by five since Helgi was part Troll and goddess. Just ask Cú Chulainn about the old milkmaid.

Off the pair went looking for their Cuailnge, once they woke up that is. It wasn't hard to follow the bull once he escaped the men of Connacht. In his wake was several broken acres of fences and strewn men suffering the debility of nine.

Shortly walking along the Tom's, these befuddled Trolls came across the bull on the Giberson's lumbering operation...

when they passed out again, and the bull found a few of their finest cows. Karl and Gramps were so drunk that this bull took advantage of the old adage, 'never run down to meet one cow, but to always take your time to meet them all….' This bull, one would think, was as prodigious as Krishna was with his milkmaids. For the two swore they only fell asleep for a few minutes in their field, even though in a few months the Giberson's herd increased threefold.

This encouraged the Giberson's to buy their first cow out of guilt.

Since then the they have been buying her cows for years and only once when they checked their bullocks did one ever turn into a nock.

"That old crone. Her teats are old and dried up. Piggy, on the next farmstead, sent over some milk mice to drink them dry," Helgi continued without missing a stitch. "The Nisse took months to drive them away, and it cost me a fortune in butter and porridge; those little bastards..."

"You know damn well that cow is the best!" By this time I noticed Angrboða was not to be seen.

"What do you want with that humpback anyway? She is missing half of her teeth."

"Your words are old and frail as an old woman, and your tongue twists like that old fire drake born from the pine needle!" That was an allusion to the mischievous Loki, who was quite fluid.

"Though wasn't it you, who fell asleep and found your backside sore trying to cross the paddock?"

"You know that happened only once..."

By this time, Bjorn had come in and saw his daughter skirting the edges of the firelight. He motioned me to the fire, after he took down the bedwarmer and filled it with corn kernels. This was beginning to be a good, show.

Then Karl came clean. "I need her milk to satisfy my sugar tooth. She creates the best cream in the region and never runs dry no matter how long you milk her. She is the only cow that was brought over from Auðumbla's stock who can keep my gluttonous appetite in ice cream."

"It is true she produces the most milk throughout the Thousand Acre Woods." Helgi answered, looking him in the face. She didn't let on that her statement was a tinge of truth, and Karl only heard what he wanted through the tone of her answer. "I'll take nine casks of your best high summer mead and low winter lager for this year's Jul."

By this time, me and Bjorn were halfway through the popcorn. Then we started with the chestnuts that were in the shadows. One nut rolled out of my hand, before I could place it in the fire. It hit Karl's foot, and he picked it up as he was leaving.

A week later, Karl returned with his payment. At that time, Bjorn's daughter had been missing. Upon completion of the sale, Karl walked his new cow over the dale. The whole time thinking of the ice cream he was going to eat, when he heard a noise in his pouch. It was coming from that nut he forgot. He listened very carefully and heard a ,very small, voice call out, "Free me, and I will reward you!"

So Karl took the hammer from his neck and cracked the chestnut and out popped a milkmaid.

Karl then demanded his reward.

The milkmaid said she could give him some magic beans for his cow. Beans, so magical that the sky herself would not be able to contain his wealth. He agreed and sold off his cow. He thought of all the labor he would saved in making all of that ice cream when he could pay others to make his heart's content.

Before leaving Karl, the milkmaid told him to plant the seeds in his root cellar.

Karl did as he was told. A magic beanstalk instantaneously grew, lifting his house and all of his wealth beyond the sky to the moon.

Angrboða had hid herself in the chestnut when it was in the shadows of the firelight.

Later, he stole the cow back, with the help of the Irish brigands he met in Toms River. When he went to milk her, he smelt and tasted the sweetest milk on his fingers, but after ever bucket she filled she kicked it over.

With his dreams of ice cream extinguished his appetite led him to nice cut of tenderloin. Ancient lore said  that any cut of meat from Auðumbla's stock could be taken from the cow, and you only had to rub ashes in the wound for the cut of beef to grow back. The only thing, he had to make sure he didn't do was kill her. Though, if he killed her, she would vanish. One night Karl and Gramps got drunk and then hungry, and killed her straight out. She just vanished.

The cow just returned home to Helgi in one piece, and from that day on, Karl never saw one of her cows or bulls again within the Thousand Acre Woods. They had all become invisible to him. Thus depriving him of all of those bullfights and ice cream forever.

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