Clam Town Ladies
Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods. A place on the edge of Trollheim deep within the mysterious NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Christopher Jonathan Hulton...That's me! Today's tale, Angrboða receives too much of a good thing. Will she know when to say when...
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Angrboða went clam digging.
Afterward, she got so tired she figured her only choice was to go sunbathing. It went without saying, that when you are that tired, you are that hungry. So when she flipped over, being medium-well, she dug in.
Then, to her surprise, the Jersey Devil was in the next chaise lounge to her left, polishing his nails. "Only if you had all the clams in the world, and didn't have to lift a finger," the devil said, spreading and turning his hand with pride.
"Oh, I know I'll regret this, but I'm Bearly hungry."
"Sorry, I thought you were famished.""I am," she clarified, "I am bearly hungry as a bear waking from its den in the spring; what do you have to offer—give me now!"
"Oh, I have this trinket; I was using it as a doorstop. It can continuously mill out anything you want."
"Like clams?"
"Like clams."
"What do you want for it?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing."
"I know I'll hate this…" she said as she began spinning the quern. She spun it so quickly and long that it spun on its own, like a gyroscope.
Clams spewed from it like witches and houses in Kansas if a speed reader was reading the Wizard of Oz with dementia. She was shucking them on her horn and guzzling them down. It was the life of Riley. But.
But she was getting full, and the pile was growing, and they were not showing any signs that they were slowing.
The clams were squirting to the tune of In the Hall of the Mountain King, mocking her.
Then a little mouse ran by and laughed.
She was compelled to eat them all; she could not stop, as her eyes gleamed with terror at the sight of the midden growing in the harbor. It was already 25 feet in diameter and 4' high.
Angrboða looked to the devil for help, for that was all she was able to do with her mouth full of clams.
"Ah, the devil is in the details," Gast said. "The quern was cheap, but the remedy is dear. What was more valuable is the knowledge to say when is enough."
She shrugged and said 'no, shit Sherlock' with her eyes and her mouth full.
"That will cost you dearly, my dear."
She deflated with slumped shoulders and head down, agreeing to any terms.
For the quern, was the world mill, Ursa Major, that spins out the ages of man from west to east, that can spit out all the items of your choosing from the beginning of time till the end on command.
Angrboða was no better than Thiazzi, who stole Idun's eternal apples, whose eyes are now the outer top and bottom stars of the Big Dipper.
I'll bet you Aurvandill's toe, which is in Orion's belt, she won't get out of this one. I dare you to make a fool out of me says the Danish prince.
She barely survived.
By the grace of Artemis, she stopped eating long enough to hear what she needed to do.
"The answer is easier than hearing the footfalls of a cat or breaking the sinews of a bear; all you need to give me is the first child you bear."
"Rumpelstiltskin!"
"Sorry, wrong story," Gast said. "See your granduncle in the strand, he guessed that too."
Her uncle waved to her from a stupor.
"Hi Unc!" she said. "There needs to be a double or nothing challenge, for you know I ain't giving in that easy."
"So, what do you propose?"
"I challenge you to a battle of wits."
"But birth, not death, is on the line. What is your challenge?"
"That you can grow your tail as long as mine."
"Not fair—you know how sensitive I'm about my stubby tail, now get out of here!"
If you like this tale, hit the share button below or just even tell your friend the old fashion way, with your mouth. Come back next week for our next tale.
We are releasing our second collection of Trollheim stories in print, named Trolling About. It will be available on this website at www.salemhousepress.com and Barnes & Noble. Pick up your copy today, pretty please with sugar on top...
Make sure you pick up the first collection of tales too...
Fiction/ Illustrated Fantasy/ Mythology / Scandinavian Myth/ Norse Sagas / Scandinavian Folk Lore / Coffee Table Book
Paperback: $45 | Hardcover: $65 | PDF eBook $5
Buy now link...
Following the Harry N. Abrams, Inc. tradition of the series that created Brian Froud's and Alan Lee's Faeries and Gnomes by Wil Huygen and Rien Poortvliet, we present you with what would have been the next book in the series: Trolls: A Compendium. Trolls—do you think you know what they are? Could you be wrong?
Trolls within Scandinavian lore, myth, saga, fantasy, and folktales are actually anything magical within our northern neighbor's culture. Richly illustrated in this volume are the tales of faeries, dwarves, nissen, huldras, gods, Jotuns, draugar, ghosts, and more. Also, this book introduces our readers to the world of Trollheim, populated by Nattrolls that escaped the 17th-century Swedish colony within the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Narrated by Christopher Jonathan Hulton, who lives in the Thousand Acre Woods just after the Civil War, their tales are filled with Native American lore and tales of their neighbor, the Jersey Devil.
Preview: Google Books
Hardcover: $65.00
PDF (non-flowable, best on tablet, desktop, or laptop) eBook: Download a copy onto your device today! Only $5.00
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