Bratty is as Bratty Does
Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods deep within Trollheim of the NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Jonathan Hulton...That's me! Today's tale, Angrboda asks her father, Bjorn, how he won over her mother. It was not a walk in the park...
"So Dad," asked Angrboda, "how did you meet mom?"
"I was walking along Lysefjord, about three hours out of Stavanger, when I came to the bridge-
"Bridge?" I interjected. I knew that the skinniest part of the fjord was just short of a mile wide. How could a Vendel ever build a bridge that long!
"Just under the Pulpit Rock-Hulton, we are Trolls…
"There she was, releasing a fox on my side. She just saved a family farm from a stefnivarg. After finding the galdra, Trollman, who was trying to scare them away to extend his pasture, she freed the fox from his cage."
"What?" I asked.
"Just like in Japan, a wizard captures a fox and forces its soul to attack people. The only way to save yourself from a stefnivarg is to free the fox from his cage--which in most cases his spirit will show you the way to his prison if you only ask."
"So Mom, was something special!" said Angrboda.
"She was well known," Bjorn smiled, "her eyes lit up the caverns brighter than any of the gems hanging from its walls. She lit them up with her kindness. Her eyes were famous. All around folk talked about how honest they were. If you had a good soul, they would twinkle brightly like the heart of a star; if not, they dulled to the warmth of your hearth with compassion.
"Everyone knew her mouth could never lie about what her eyes have seen. She was the foremost lawgiver at many Things. Your mom always spoke the truth for anyone, no matter how buried one's true needs were, even in the most wretched of hearts. She gave voice to what the most evil people thought they never deserved. She delved into the borderlands of the psyche and spoke for people's intentions that got buried under their words and misdeeds."
"What do you mean, Dad?"
"Remember when you didn't talk to me for a week because I didn't get you that pony?"
"Yes, I think I was yelling at you the whole time and broke a few doors."
"Did you really want a pony?"
"No…"
"You wanted to fall asleep on my chest again like when you were little and felt embarrassed. Big girls didn't do that anymore, and you didn't know how to express your need to be engulfed in my love. So you thought an expensive gift would replace what you felt you had lost."
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Your mom taught me. She spoke to hearts and not minds. Well, at first. Then she interrupted for those differing of organs. She was traveling between Things when she found the family in need."
"So you two have been together ever since?" I asked.
"Hell no--," Bjorn exclaimed, "I had to win someone that wonderful. I mean, I didn't have to kill a Jottun or win a castle; I had to prove my heart was as light as hers."
"How?" she asked.
"She told me she lived in the Rosy Palace in the Clouds and the only way to reach her was wearing a crimson mantle, the sword Gull on my hip, while riding the old gray mare.
"We spent what, we thought was, the most magical times of our lives in the middle of that bridge--which would have sucked if we had nothing to look forward to having the best behind us…Then she left me as she passed through the mist she came from with only my challenge.
"I tried looking for her, but I never could find which Thing she was at and when. Sometimes I was a day behind, once only minutes.
"Months went by before I even found the crimson mantle. I came across a house in Stavanger that was burning with an old man inside. I rushed inside. As I crossed the threshold from the kitchen to the parlor, a beam was falling. I reached up to protect my head with both hands and a mantle appeared which stretched all the way to Bergen, which caught a rain cloud I used to put out the fire with to save him. The crimson mantle protected us from the heat as we left. One item down.
"Later that week, I first met The Great Horned Serpent's cousin Velles. He was attacking an old lady, and I only had my Brukskniv blade. As I charged in, my knife turned into the sword Gull and the serpent retreated.
"Two down.
"Summer was long ago, but the Spring was coming. I began traveling with Karl. I told him about my journey and the magic mantle that protected me from fire and the sword that banished dragons- -he stole them from me when I was sleeping.
"He stumbled on the cliff of the fjord when I caught up with him; I jumped off without thinking to save him, when an old gray mare caught me after I grabbed him. She flew us to the other side. Karl ran off after he dropped the mantle and sword.
"Then the horse flew back. He was neighing, teasing me across the great divide. I didn't know how to get him back. I needed all three to find Helgi. A leap of faith was before me. I lifted my sword to point my way as I began to jump off the cliff. The sword extended all the way across, resting on its blade; I just caught the mountain's edge before I fell off.
"There now was a bridge, but how was I to cross such a narrow and sharp path?"
"Balance and faith," I answered.
"The fool's journey." Bjorn smiled. "I was a fool for your mom and had to prove it. Your heart and mind must balance any large decision in your life on that razor's edge. Then faith makes you take the leap.
"Your mom had to make sure my heart was as kind as her own. I showed bravery and compassion rescuing the old man from the fire of worry and the old woman from deep, ancient fears. They were Old Man Mind and Old Lady Kindness.
"Then I had top prove my belief in forgiveness and redemption by saving Karl. Only then my soul would be balanced to cross over the water through the air between here and there."
"Then you found her?" Asked Angrboda, smiling.
"No," answered Bjorn with his hand on his hips, "she let down an old Irish priest ladder from her tower in the Rosy Palace in the Clouds,--but the first 25 rungs were broken off."
"So I know now who I inherited my bratty side from…"
"Then we got married at Pulpit Rock, the same place Mom and Gramps got married," Bjorn said, smiling. Gramps just walked in with Helgi.
"Then we honeymooned on Trollpriken; your mom made the best mead!" Gramps smiled.
"What are you talking about?" Helgi asked.
"How terrible you are," Bjorn smirked.
"Glad you're not making up lies again…" Helgi said, ruffling his hair.
If you like this tale, hit the share button below or just even tell your friend the old fashion way, with your mouth. Come back next week for our next tale.
At the end of March 2025, we are releasing the first collection of Trollheim stories in print. So make sure to come back and check when you can bring their family into your home!
Fiction/ Illustrated Fantasy/ Mythology / Scandinavian Myth/ Norse Sagas / Scandinavian Folk Lore / Coffee Table Book
Paperback: $45 | Hardcover: $65 | PDF eBook $5
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Following the Harry N. Abrams, Inc. tradition of the series that created Brian Froud's and Alan Lee's Faeries and Gnomes by Wil Huygen and Rien Poortvliet, we present you with what would have been the next book in the series: Trolls: A Compendium. Trolls—do you think you know what they are? Could you be wrong?
Trolls within Scandinavian lore, myth, saga, fantasy, and folktales are actually anything magical within our northern neighbor's culture. Richly illustrated in this volume are the tales of faeries, dwarves, nissen, huldras, gods, Jotuns, draugar, ghosts, and more. Also, this book introduces our readers to the world of Trollheim, populated by Nattrolls that escaped the 17th-century Swedish colony within the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Narrated by Christopher Jonathan Hulton, who lives in the Thousand Acre Woods just after the Civil War, their tales are filled with Native American lore and tales of their neighbor, the Jersey Devil.
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Hardcover: $65.00
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