Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods deep within Trollheim of the NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Jonathan Hulton. That's me. In our tale, Bjorn transforms Hulton and himself into ants and almost gets both of their heads cut off....

"How would you like to go on a long journey to the land of Oz's picnic?" Bjorn asked me.

"Sure…"

Next thing I knew, I was shrinking. Afterward, I scratched my head and found two antennas. As I screamed at Bjorn to change me back, I heard clattering and clicking. I reached for my mouth and found, a pair of mandibles. Great! He changed me into an ant.

It was then I noticed an army of ants marching.

"Join the parade." Bjorn motioned to me. "These guys know where the best food is."

As I joined them, I heard their marching song:

"I woke up, can't wait to eat
Got my cereal; boy, was I beat
Opened the fridge, and to my dismay
There was no milk; my mother will pay"

At least I was going to find some milk on this journey…

Not quickly, though.

At double march, it felt like we traveled for days over hill and dale. We had made a mountain out of several ant hills.

"Before we get to Lake Oswego and eat lunch," Bjorn the prophet looked at me and pointed, "You have to say you will die in my stead."

"What?"

"Promise me!"

"OK…"

So we went past a few canoes and under the first three workers tables and found the buffet table.

As we approached, we were surrounded by another ant colony.

"Round them up and send me the largest in their ranks!" yelled their queen.

Naturally, Bjorn was the largest.

"Spare him! Take me!" I yelled before I could think about what I was saying…

"I insist you take me!" demanded Bjorn.

"Why are you so insistent on dying, young one?" asked the queen, who was now seated on her throne, popping corn kernels into her mouth.

"For when I die, I will become immortal and rise up," Bjorn said as he polished his nails on his chest.

"Immortality! That does not fit a common worker; it befits a queen," she commanded.

She might have been fleet of foot, but she was not quick-witted, as she had her lead soldier ant remove her head with his mandibles. Many jealous ants followed her lead, searching for their immortality.

We snuck away into the cranberry shed with our colony following. Inside we found a little boy playing the flute and an older man named Indra, the foreman, yelling at us, "Ants in my palace!"

"Ants in my pants! Ants in my porridge!

"Each and every ant was a past Indra," the boy in blue said while he was drinking some milk surrounded by several maids.

"Other Indras?"

"Yes, the only way up for one with an ego as big as yours, is down," said the boy before he played on his shakuhachi and the foreman shrunk down knee high to a grasshopper.

"Welcome!" Said Bjorn.

We walked out. Bjorn snapped his fingers, and we grew to the average height of the bog workers before we grabbed a few plates and found a fine feast.

Before we could load our plates, this copperhead predicted we were going to starve as he loaded the remaining board of fare into a large bag.

He left it on the table. Bjorn could not lift the bag or open it.

Bjorn was so angry, he gave the copperhead three blows on the head. The giant of a man only yawned and scratched his head.

Bjorn just growled at him and walked away with his eye on him, scowling. Then he heaved me on his shoulder before he grew larger than the pines.

On the way back to Trollheim, Bjorn tripped in a puddle below the tree line.

"Where did that come from?" he asked as he fished me out of what was to me a very deep lake.

On the way home, we stumbled into two others. At the last one, we found that copperhead sitting with his knees above the trees, knocking on his head three times.

Bjorn grew twice as large, ready to strike him once more, right before he vanished. This is how Union Clay Works and the two quarries in Woodmansie were dug.

Starving, we returned to find Gramps cooking a salmon.

"Hey boy, watch the grill, but don't you dare eat any!"

I did as I was told, but I touched it to see if it was done yet. Burning my finger as I did, I stuck it in my mouth and became the wisest Piney within the Thousand Acre Woods. So wise, I knew when to duck when Gramps snuck up behind me. but I tripped over Bosco, who ate it up and became smarter than the average bear.

I just went home and ate a tunafish sandwich.

If you like this tale, hit the share button below or just even tell your friend the old fashion way, with your mouth. Come back next week for our next tale.