Advice from Strange Places
Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods. A place on the edge of Trollheim deep within the mysterious NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Christopher Jonathan Hulton...That's me! Today's tale, Angroboda goes to Karl for advice...
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"I can't believe I'm here," Angroboda said, smacking her head, "asking you for advice!"
Karl just shrugged and kept slicing Krakowska to be put on crackers with some hot pepper jelly.
"Well, Dad and Gramps are off fishing—Dad is probably being drowned by that willy serpent, and I'm here asking you, wormy you…for advice."
"Boy problems?" Karl interjected without looking away from his sausage.
"How do you…"
"You are a teenage girl…"
"It's that obvious…"
"Does a dog lick his—"
"OK, you don't have to finish—"
"I know his father; his mother had a church bell fall on her—"
"Yeah, he can't remember much about her."
"His name is Pinocchio."
"No, it is—"
"Pinocchio, before he can become a man, needs to become a real boy, but he is an ass—"
"Hey—"
"Remember, you came to me."
"OK, continue."
"He has been ignoring his father for some time, and he is an ass—"
"He can be, most of the time he is completely wonderful, and others—"
"He is an ass, probably has some cat that gets him into trouble—"
"How did you know?"
"There always is; he needs someone else to blame."
"I feel sorry for him—"
"Because his mother died?"
"Yes…"
"Don't make the same mistake his father did."
"What is that—"
"Forgiving him because his mother died—he never had to pay for his mistakes; remember Geppetto got arrested for Pinnochio running amok!"
"I just want to—"
"Mother him? You are smarter than that; look how much trouble the Fairy with Turquoise Hair had mothering him. You come from a loving, happy family. Gramps is a little goofy, but your father is pretty solid. Marry a man like him, the guy you're dating; he is still wishing to become a boy one day."
"Who will take care of him—"
"There are plenty of blue fairies that want a lost puppy. Blue represents people a little off or dangerous. Think of blue laws, blue bloods, blue humor. It is a warning like Bluebeard's beard. His wife didn't see the warning sign; her sisters did. Her father and brothers were drafted when she was born, while her sisters were teenagers."
"The wife was clueless."
"Yup, because she had nothing to compare him against."
"So how did I fall for him?"
"You didn't. It's only been a few months and you are already questioning the relationship; other women would have taken years to see his blue beard."
"Will he be OK?"
"Sure, he needs to be hung out to dry by the neck, then peel his skin off like a snake, have someone make an ass out of him, and then be fed to the sharks."
"What!!!"
"It worked for Pinnochio…Look, Odin hung from a tree to change his fate, snakes represent the several little deaths needed for growth, pride goeth before the fall, and being fed to the sharks is a real baptism by fire…"
"What?"
"Like Jonah being swallowed; it's the night journey, the westward path under the water the sun takes every night to be born in the east again. Geppetto and Pinocchio need to begin again. Pinocchio started on a poor foundation; he burned his feet off—"
"And the new pair his father made kept leading him into trouble."
"Yep. It was a hard road that led Pinocchio to bring himself to be responsible and have compassion for others."
"Like when Perceval stopped playing the fool and showed compassion to his sick uncle—"
"Do you want to wait around as long as Condwiramurs did—"
"No!"
"So you do listen to your father's long-winded tales."
"Argh!!!"
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We are releasing our second collection of Trollheim stories in print, named Trolling About. It will be available on this website at www.salemhousepress.com and Barnes & Noble. Pick up your copy today, pretty please with sugar on top...
Make sure you pick up the first collection of tales too...
Fiction/ Illustrated Fantasy/ Mythology / Scandinavian Myth/ Norse Sagas / Scandinavian Folk Lore / Coffee Table Book
Paperback: $45 | Hardcover: $65 | PDF eBook $5
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Following the Harry N. Abrams, Inc. tradition of the series that created Brian Froud's and Alan Lee's Faeries and Gnomes by Wil Huygen and Rien Poortvliet, we present you with what would have been the next book in the series: Trolls: A Compendium. Trolls—do you think you know what they are? Could you be wrong?
Trolls within Scandinavian lore, myth, saga, fantasy, and folktales are actually anything magical within our northern neighbor's culture. Richly illustrated in this volume are the tales of faeries, dwarves, nissen, huldras, gods, Jotuns, draugar, ghosts, and more. Also, this book introduces our readers to the world of Trollheim, populated by Nattrolls that escaped the 17th-century Swedish colony within the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Narrated by Christopher Jonathan Hulton, who lives in the Thousand Acre Woods just after the Civil War, their tales are filled with Native American lore and tales of their neighbor, the Jersey Devil.
Preview: Google Books
Hardcover: $65.00
PDF (non-flowable, best on tablet, desktop, or laptop) eBook: Download a copy onto your device today! Only $5.00
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