Mairzy-Doats
Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods. A place on the edge of Trollheim deep within the mysterious NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Christopher Jonathan Hulton...That's me! Today's tale, Sven drops in again and gives us a strange history lesson.
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Bjorn was walking past the Disappearing Pond. When suddenly, the Great Horned Serpent snuck up behind him.
Smoosh! Sven and his Viking ship flattened that willy serpent as they materialized.
Bosco galloped away and flew oveStartled, Bjorn looked back. "Sven, good to see you!" Bjorn smiled.
"You and Hulton want to get some ale and hot dogs to watch the fights tonight?" Sven asked.
"Sounds good—is Sullivan fighting at Ong's Hat again?" I asked, coming up behind Bjorn.
"No, better than that!" Sven exclaimed with a strange gleam in his eye.
"OK, I'll bring some popcorn too," Bjorn added.
"What are hot dogs?" I asked.
We got into the ship, and the propellers roared as we shot into the sky. I saw the lightning strike and heard Thor rumble overhead. Then it got real hot. Like Africa hot. It was so dry, Bjorn touched me on the neck and laughed. I jumped a foot from the shock. "Where are we?" I asked.
"May 21, 1097, the siege of Nicaea," Sven answered, "the Crusaders arrived a few days before, and the Seljuk Turks are leaving their citadel to attack again. Their leader, Kilij Arslan, didn't take these barbarians seriously. He left to fight a minor skirmish with a neighbor... A skirmish, it was nothing more than a hockey match…"
Sven laid out a blanket and brought out the hot dogs and ale. Bjorn had already dug into his popcorn when Sven handed him a cold one. I tried one of them hot dogs.
We were sitting just to the side of the Franks' Vanguard. They gave us a few strange looks as the Turks closed in. They thought this motley group with a Troll was just somebody else's problem and charged right into the fray.
"OK, we have Godfrey of Bouillon and his nephews, Tancred, Raymond IV of Toulouse, and Robert II of Flanders. Plus, Bohemond of Taranto," Sven filled us in. "It has been five days since the Turks engaged the battle. Kilij has returned and is leading his forces."
"Is this the first battle where knights on mares fight those on stallions?" I asked.
"I'm glad you made it, before the year was"It is the beginning of their breeding season and those stallions' noses are flaring…"
Bjorn snickers as he nudges me in the ribs.
"—and look, he is retreating already with his forces!" Sven says as he slaps Bjorn on the back, who was trying to eat his popcorn. out," Peggy smiled.
"Some things can only be learned through mistakes," I added.
"I wonder if they can close those gates quick enough—those horses are sure feeling their oats…" Bjorn laughs.
"That was a quick fight," I complained. "Do the Franks win?"
"Sort of…" Sven shrugs. "The Byzantine emperor Alexois I stayed behind. He was the guy who asked the Pope to send the Franks to help him out. He sent his diplomat Boutoumites to negotiate a secret surrender with the Turks. They sort of snuck in the back door and yelled over the walls that the battle was over; good show and all. The Franks where ill prepared and starving. They hoped to raid the city to pay for their trip to Jerusalem. That didn't happen. Alexois gained control of the city and only let ten Franks in at a time to sightsee."
"Ah, screw Nicaea anyway," Bjorn said. "Ever since their council in 325, they have been twisting Mani's words and enslaving people in a faith meant to free them."
"What?" asked Sven.
"Dam Nicholas punched out Arius during the debate," Bjorn complained.
"I bet that fight lasted longer than this one..." I said.
"So how many angels can fit on the head of a pin?" I asked, Bjorn shrugged.
I burped and quickly found out I like hot dogs, but they don't like me. I battled to keep them down, and lost.
If you like this tale, hit the share button below or just even tell your friend the old fashion way, with your mouth. Come back next week for our next tale.
We are releasing our second collection of Trollheim stories in print, named Trolling About. It will be available on this website at www.salemhousepress.com and Barnes & Noble. Pick up your copy today, pretty please with sugar on top...
Make sure you pick up the first collection of tales too...
Fiction/ Illustrated Fantasy/ Mythology / Scandinavian Myth/ Norse Sagas / Scandinavian Folk Lore / Coffee Table Book
Paperback: $45 | Hardcover: $65 | PDF eBook $5
Buy now link...
Following the Harry N. Abrams, Inc. tradition of the series that created Brian Froud's and Alan Lee's Faeries and Gnomes by Wil Huygen and Rien Poortvliet, we present you with what would have been the next book in the series: Trolls: A Compendium. Trolls—do you think you know what they are? Could you be wrong?
Trolls within Scandinavian lore, myth, saga, fantasy, and folktales are actually anything magical within our northern neighbor's culture. Richly illustrated in this volume are the tales of faeries, dwarves, nissen, huldras, gods, Jotuns, draugar, ghosts, and more. Also, this book introduces our readers to the world of Trollheim, populated by Nattrolls that escaped the 17th-century Swedish colony within the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Narrated by Christopher Jonathan Hulton, who lives in the Thousand Acre Woods just after the Civil War, their tales are filled with Native American lore and tales of their neighbor, the Jersey Devil.
Preview: Google Books
Hardcover: $65.00
PDF (non-flowable, best on tablet, desktop, or laptop) eBook: Download a copy onto your device today! Only $5.00
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